Today it begins....

Wow... I am really nervous about creating a blog tracking my fitness journey. It is so personal. Such a hard topic for me. However, after a lot of thought, I think I need this... I need the community it offers... because even if no one actually reads it..I have put it out there...and am now accountable for what I do.... With that being said... I guess the only place to start is the beginning. I was always a heavy set kid. I wasn't necessarily fat as a child, but I was always thick. Then, when I was 7 my father passed away suddenly. My entire world changed. And I found comfort in food. I was sad... I ate... I think a part of it was that dinners and food was one thing that would never disappoint me. And I think my mom realized that it was one of the few things she had control over. Dinner. Making a huge, delicious dinner for us to sit down to every night. That never changed. As long as I can remember before and after my Dads death we sat down and ate dinner as a family. So as I grew up, so did the weight. I think I really realized that I was the "fat kid" in middle school. A terrible terrible place. I was teased, I was bullied... but it was okay..because I could go home and cry and eat something, and the world would be a happy place again. Then I hit high school. I think the entire time I was in high school I was always going to loose weight. My sophomore year I had blood work done and was told that I was showing markers for being pre-diabetic. That was the only time I actually dropped any weight in my life.But "healthy food" didn't taste as good as "fatty food", and exercise was hard..very hard. So, like every time before, it lasted a month, maybe two...and the Lays were back to calling my name. I was always embarrassed by my weight. I always wanted to be thin. I wished that it would just disappear.... and have until this year. This year will be different. I refuse to be a hypocritical nurse. A statistic. Another fat person in the world wishing I was skinny.  I am taking a new approach and am finally going to STOP saying I WISH and START saying I WILL....

I started my "health kick" on the first...but was quickly finding myself tired of the "healthy food" and kept claiming I would exercise. Then I found Primal. Well I was shown primal by a good friend of mine. He declared on Facebook that if you wanted to get healthy he knew the way... (my interest was definitely had) and posted the link to marksdailyapple.com. So I went, and checked it out and found myself even more interested and very skeptical. So I messaged him saying I would like to get together and talk to him about it. After several hours of discussing and discovering what the Primal lifestyle was, and geeking out at the cellular level.. I made the choice that Primal is for me. Primal is like nothing I have ever tried...and is basically backwards of everything I thought was healthy (which is why I have put "healthy foods" in quotes to this point) . It is based off of the principle that protein is good, fat is great, and grains aren't. WHAT!!?!?! FAT IS GOOD!!!!??!!! I know you think I have lost my mind...and who knows, maybe I have, but I really think that I have found the best kept secret out there. Everything I have read and been told says it takes about 3 weeks to adjust to the primal lifestyle. It is definitely a change, and a sacrifice in a way... I am a carboholic. But I have no doubt that it will be worth it in the end. 

So today is day 1 of being Primal. So far I have consumed 3 eggs with bell peppers, and a double bacon cheeseburger without sauce or the bun. I was amazed at how full I felt after breakfast. Even after I went on my 2.5 mile walk up Simpson Park (which damn near killed me) I wasn't hungry..... 

Exercise. My least favorite word in the dictionary. With Primal it is easy. Play. Move. Walk. These things I can do!!! So today Michelle and I strapped on our running shoes and started the walk up Simpson park. She used to do this all the time, this was my first. I didn't quite make it to my goal today. My heart felt like it was going to explode and my legs were wobbling. And it made me sad. As I was crawling up that hill, praying to God that the top was coming, It really hit me. It really hit me how many years I have let my health go..How out of shape I really was....and I was dissapointed in myself. But, then I remind myself that today that changes... Today... I could only make it up the first hill.. tomorrow I will make it up the second... and so on... This journey isn't going to be easy... It isn't going to be fun a lot of the time... but... I am truly at the point were I am tired of wishing for things to change... They will change. I will change.


Day one has been hard... here is hoping for a slightly easier Day two....