A long and lonley road no more

Soo... This really isn't about my fitness journey, though that will be discussed, but more the journey of my life the last few months since I haven't wrote in forever....


Okay, so we will start with the fitness.. have sucked. The end. I stoped eating right and started eating like crap for about 80064641 excuses...but I have realized lately that excuses will always be there...and it really boiled down to I stopped caring. But that is soon going to change..because frankly...I am tired of being fat...yep I said it..the dirty f word... the one word that I hate.... because deep down I know its true... I am fat... now that doesn't mean that I don't think I am pretty, because I do... but I am overweight..... and that wont change unless I make it... I was doing so good... SO GOOD...and I stopped caring....but now that the storm of school and moving and life has calmed..I care again....and I need to focus on it so much this summer, that it becomes a part of who  I am...so I don't have to care...but do.... So that is one summer goal for sure...



OKAY!!! Now on to a positive note.I AM OFFICIALLY HALF WAY DONE WITH NURSING SCHOOL!!!! This is a wonderfully exciting and terrifying thing because I realize I am 100% in the adult world this time next year... I loose my final childhood crutch of school. But, I am excited for that...and so proud of what I have done. Nursing school has been the most challenging thing I have done in my entire life... and I am kicking its ASS!!!! This last semester I pulled a 4.0 and got a letter of recommendation!! BOOYAH!!!


Okay... now onto the heavy hearted stuff. I have to put it simply, not been in a good place lately.. I have been trying to make relationships work that have no business even existing... I have been selfish...I have haven't liked who I have been... I have felt like no one could love me and that I wasn't worthy of the love from those who do...but today God put a screaming halt to that!!! Today, was the birthday party for the Dicksons... and God really hit me there... (go figure at your pastors house!! heehee) As I was getting out of the car, a couple of the youth were leaving and ran and gave me big hugs...which always makes ya happy...And I went inside I came across person after person in my life, that I haven't seen in what seems like forever making me feel loved and wanted. Hugged by youth and kids...not because I did something for them...not because they have to... but because they love me... its as simple as that. Then my sweet little Aidan (who isn't so little anymore really sent it home) I was sitting with him on the stairs, and he puts his hands on my face and squished his nose to mine and tells me "I have missed you soooooo much" in his growly dinosaur voice... I started to cry, and tell him that I have missed him too, as he then tells me "don't cry... i love you"... those few simple words from a little boy that I have loved so very much since the day he entered this world almost 4 years ago..erased months of pain... months of self dislike.. because it that split second God reminded me that I am loved. and that I am wanted... . And because when God makes a point he REALLY makes a point, when I check my facebook next I have a message from Stacy, reminding me how much I am loved... So today I owe thanks... to the people I have taken for granted..the people who always remind me of not only their love but Gods love.. the people who have changed my life in so many ways

Long Time Comming...

Okay. So I have sucked the last couple weeks on keeping up with this thing. But school and life got the best of me.... It has been a CRAZY couple of weeks. School has damn near killed me several times and I have done everything in my power to cling to some kind of a social life. All while living a primal life. Sound hectic? It is. So here is how it all tallies up... I got B's on my first two exams in school  (after teacher magic of course). Which I am happy with, but not thrilled. I wanted to do better on both of them.. but for some reason haven't been able to get to that study obsession I had last semester. I guess maybe I burnt myself slightly out.. .But I need to find the fire again...or I am afraid I will get burned. (Yeah...I love cheesy metaphors...). As far as a social life goes, life is great...hahaha. I have been getting closer and closer with Michelle, which is fantastic. She is truly my best friend and I love her to death.... We have created a year plan to move in together... and I am super excited about that, and pray that it is in God's plan for us to pull it off. Besides that I have been looking a lot at who I call friends and who I choose to spend my time with, and have made some changes... I am tired of wasting my time and energy on people who don't matter, quite frankly, I don't have enough of it to spare. As far as the primal thing goes...It has had its ups and down. I have consistently lost up until this last week..I blame the rice in the sushi... I ate a lot of sushi.... But the overall total is I am down 17 pounds in just about 6 weeks. Which is the most I have ever lost in my life....  I am really proud of myself..and my little weight gain (1 lb) last week really inspired me and proved to me to get my but back in gear!! I need to work on walking more, because I am stuck behind a lap top studying so much..I am lacking the sun and movement..but with time comes change... Overall..Life has really never been better. I am surrounded by wonderful people, doing okay in school, and living a healthier life than I ever have.... Now I need to go work on a paper and study some HIV...

Until another day....

Long Over Due

Okay, so last week my school semester started, which means I had no time to do...anything... besides school that is. However, I find that when I am in school it is SO easy to maintain my primal lifestyle. My life is so structured that bringing and planning primal foods fits into it perfectly.  My classmates are already tired of me saying "I don't eat that kinda stuff" to their food suggestions im sure..but I am learning to adapt to all situations. Friday also marked the end of my 3rd week being primal, which means my body has fully "transitioned". I think it did it around day 15 though, I could feel the switch almost hard to explain. So overall I had a great week health wise, even went on a 45 min walk with some of my classmates on our break!!1 (which ended up with me having a HUGE blister on my foot because of my stupid shoes). I did have a minor..err major relapse on Friday where I fell into old stress habits of binge eating, along with PMSing... I didn't stand a chance against my will power... So I ate a crap ton of cheetos and chocolate...but...like always I felt like crap afterwards, physically and mentally. So even though I was disappointed in myself for giving in to habits, I am taking it as a learning experience..that for all the good habits I have formed over the last three weeks, the bad ones are still there.... and I will struggle with them for the rest of my life.


So Weekly weigh in (after the binge eating) = 3 pounds loss! Which brings the current total to 11 pounds in 3 weeks. I can't physically see the difference yet, but I am starting to be able to feel it... Excited for what the new week has to bring...

Week 2 stats...mistakes... future....

WOW! WHAT A WEEK! Friday marks the end of the second week that I have been primal. This week was a lot easier than the first in many ways... It is starting to become habitual to eat primal, which is good. I am replacing old terrible bad habits with good habits. Not to say that I don't have my moments where I want to grab the bag of Cheetos, but I have found more often when I get that snacky feeling I start thinking about avocado and string cheese.

I can definitely tell that my body is changing (in more ways than one). I went off the rocker and ate potato salad yesterday, and then had a couple cocktails with friends and OH MY GOD my stomach hurt SO bad. It was the worse idea that I have had in a while. I not only felt mentally guilty for cheating, but my body was pissed. It amazes me though, that my body has adjusted so much so soon. I used to be able to eat EVERYTHING... nothing bothered me, but now, carbs my former love make me feel like crap (probably because they are crap for you)....but I think I needed to learn this lesson. It definitely makes the idea of cheating less appealing.... I HATE tummy aches and that is all that comes from cheating. It is only tasty for a heart beat, stomach aches last for hours....


This week I start school... I am convinced they are trying to kill me with the schedule. But I have been working on snacks (cutting up veggies, hard boiling eggs, avocados, gonna make some CAVE MAN CRUNCH in a little while, gonna pre zip lock some nuts ) and I think in some ways it will make school a lot easier when it comes to food. I will have everything pre done and there, so I wont be tempted to waste money on fast food, and I will feel better... I am also setting it as my goal to maintain a decent level of sleep this semester. I let that go last semester and I really suffered from  it, mentally and physically.... I am anxious and excited for a new semester.. I feel like it will flow nicely with my fresh start in life.....



OKAY!!!!! Time for the weekley stats since this is my technical end of week post.
This week I LOST (drum roll please...) 5 POUNDS!!!!  which brings the grand total to 8 pounds. No, it isnt a lot, and yes I have a long way to go...but with ever pound that dissapears, I become more confident in the Primal life and that I am finally doing something right when it comes to my health....


SO here is to a new week (week 3, which is the final week of my "transformation"), new adventures, and the 49ers kicking the giants butt in a couple hours!

The ruffles are staring at me.....

We are quickly approaching the end of the second week of this journey... And it has been a tough one. I have been slightly stressed out because of school starting, which means I have wanted to fall back into my default stress habit, eating carbs..and a lot of them... BUT, I can proudly say that I have resisted (for the most part)... I think a big part of it for me is making sure I have those primal kind of snacks around..because I  do like to munch on things while I study, but if I munch on good things, it doesn't matter for the most part... I think I just need to continue to work on my habits.. Looking forward to making some snacks this weekend.. I am thinking caveman crunch, maybe protein bars, a ton of cut up veggies... Should be good. I have also been on a mission to find the right kind of greek yogurt... I swear there is only "fat free" yogurt out there. I am thinking I am going to have to go to vons.. or somewhere along that lines cause staters sucks.. maybe sprouts will have it... I am also going to do some spring cleaning this weekend... gonna start school on a fresh slate this semester...



Foods I am officially in love with:
Eggs...in all varietys it turns out...
Steak... (okay I kinda already knew that one)
Spinach... I forgot how much I like it I guess...
Bacon (again, I definitely knew this... still working on finding uncured though...)
Avocados.... with salt and pepper...mmmm


So I think I have been doing good, besides eating far too many nitrates for breakfast... gotta work on finding uncured sausage and bacon... Definitely liking the feeling less hungry though..sometimes I eat breakfast at 7 and am not hungry at all until 3. Which I love. Because I can have a small snack and I am good until dinner. =]

1st week down!!!

WOOO!!!! Okay on a completely unrelated note I just have to start this blog with 49ers ROCK!!! They had an amazing play off game today and I am still completely stoked!!!


Okay, Now down to business. The last couple of days have been super busy!! But,  I think I am starting to master eating primally at restaurants because of it!! I have eaten at, a bbq place, mimis, dennys and market broiler within the last couple of days and have done fantastically well at sticking to the primal diet if I don't say so myself. I have cheated a bit here and there, but it is a work in progress... I have found that when I don't cheat and eat primally, I feel a lot better. Carbs make me feel crappy. Which is good, because if they didnt I dont know if I could make it. =]

So the week coming up is my last week before starting school and is going to be busier than ever....  Which kinda scares me.. but I am devoting this week to working on organization of my food. So it isn't stressful when I do start school to eat primally. I am hoping to get to the point where it comes second nature, but since I am not there yet, I will just plan and organize like a mad woman....



OKAY!!! the big thing for today. My first ever weekly stats. This will be the weekly weigh in to track my progress of all this. I am not brave enough to say my weight, SO I will just state the amount LOST, yeah that's right! LOST!!!! SO from a week ago today I am officially 3 pounds less. Which okay, isn't a lot..but it is progress, it shows me that this is working!!!!


Here is to a fantastic day of football, steak, and weight loss..and hopefully a week of the same to come!!!

The good and the bad....

Yesterday was a busy day. I worked early, and then went shopping in temecula. But throughout all of that, I ate fantastic!!! I had a GREAT primal day. And I felt great. It is amazing to me how good I feel when I eat right. I have more energy for sure!! But today was a different story. Today I "cheated" several times. And it has left me feeling bloated and with a slight tummy ache. However, this is kind of exciting to me, because it means my body is changing and adapting towards being Primal. Now that my body knows what it needs and wants, it isn't overly pleased with not getting it....

I have found other peoples reactions very interesting. I have started simply saying no thank you to a lot of offers of carb filled foods and everyone always asks why.. So then I have been responding with a simple I don't really eat that... But no one ever lets it go there. Which I find interesting. Everyone always wants to know why... but when I tell them, I get weird looks and told "hmm that doesn't seem like a very smart choice". I don't flaunt my life choices to people. I have already learned that I will face opposition to my lifestyle... But its almost like they force it out of me. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem in talking about my diet or explaining the primal lifestyle to people, but I am kinda getting tired of everyone looking at me like I have 5 heads when I do.



So... here is to a better tomorrow when it comes to eating..because I don't really want to feel like crap again.. I guess the best way to explain how I feel is inflamed, which is what carbs do, go figure.