Soo... This really isn't about my fitness journey, though that will be discussed, but more the journey of my life the last few months since I haven't wrote in forever....
Okay, so we will start with the fitness.. have sucked. The end. I stoped eating right and started eating like crap for about 80064641 excuses...but I have realized lately that excuses will always be there...and it really boiled down to I stopped caring. But that is soon going to change..because frankly...I am tired of being fat...yep I said it..the dirty f word... the one word that I hate.... because deep down I know its true... I am fat... now that doesn't mean that I don't think I am pretty, because I do... but I am overweight..... and that wont change unless I make it... I was doing so good... SO GOOD...and I stopped caring....but now that the storm of school and moving and life has calmed..I care again....and I need to focus on it so much this summer, that it becomes a part of who I am...so I don't have to care...but do.... So that is one summer goal for sure...
OKAY!!! Now on to a positive note.I AM OFFICIALLY HALF WAY DONE WITH NURSING SCHOOL!!!! This is a wonderfully exciting and terrifying thing because I realize I am 100% in the adult world this time next year... I loose my final childhood crutch of school. But, I am excited for that...and so proud of what I have done. Nursing school has been the most challenging thing I have done in my entire life... and I am kicking its ASS!!!! This last semester I pulled a 4.0 and got a letter of recommendation!! BOOYAH!!!
Okay... now onto the heavy hearted stuff. I have to put it simply, not been in a good place lately.. I have been trying to make relationships work that have no business even existing... I have been selfish...I have haven't liked who I have been... I have felt like no one could love me and that I wasn't worthy of the love from those who do...but today God put a screaming halt to that!!! Today, was the birthday party for the Dicksons... and God really hit me there... (go figure at your pastors house!! heehee) As I was getting out of the car, a couple of the youth were leaving and ran and gave me big hugs...which always makes ya happy...And I went inside I came across person after person in my life, that I haven't seen in what seems like forever making me feel loved and wanted. Hugged by youth and kids...not because I did something for them...not because they have to... but because they love me... its as simple as that. Then my sweet little Aidan (who isn't so little anymore really sent it home) I was sitting with him on the stairs, and he puts his hands on my face and squished his nose to mine and tells me "I have missed you soooooo much" in his growly dinosaur voice... I started to cry, and tell him that I have missed him too, as he then tells me "don't cry... i love you"... those few simple words from a little boy that I have loved so very much since the day he entered this world almost 4 years ago..erased months of pain... months of self dislike.. because it that split second God reminded me that I am loved. and that I am wanted... . And because when God makes a point he REALLY makes a point, when I check my facebook next I have a message from Stacy, reminding me how much I am loved... So today I owe thanks... to the people I have taken for granted..the people who always remind me of not only their love but Gods love.. the people who have changed my life in so many ways
